I Wonder. . . & I Shall Wonder Forever!

There are so many things that have been said for ages... some are true.. some are blatant lies.. and some were true but now have been contorted by the ones who preceded us and have become notoriously untrue!

It's said you can never fathom the amount of pain the other is in... no matter how close you are... no matter how thick you are.. your feelings are yours and their feelings are theirs..

- I thought I knew how you felt.. sometimes I helped you with your feelings... other times I tramped on them... I wanted to make you stronger... cuz it's also said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

It's said that you can never think like another person.. no matter how often you talk... no matter how much you discuss each others' lives..

- I thought I knew how you thought... sometimes I picked up your trail and helped you find the right path... at other times I totally told you off when I felt you were thinking in the wrong direction... I wanted to help you get decisive.. cuz it's said, give a man a fish, he eats for a day; teach a man how to fish, he eats for life!

It's said that blood is the thickest... even if you do not speak to each other for ages.. even if you scream and shout and say horrible things to one another..

- I thought you knew I loved you cuz sometimes, just sometimes, out of the blue I sent you a I love you or a thank you text... & cuz sometimes even when I dragged you by your hair and you had me beat up, I still stood inside the loo while you peed cuz you were afraid... cuz sometimes... when you called me out with affection; i tried to give you what you want... if I could!

I was hard on you... I got angry and said words too... I sometimes even hurt you on purpose... cuz I do not know the right words... it made me angry to see you weak at times; I wanted you to get stronger and face me... so you could face your fears... but no matter how hard I was on you.. you always told me everything.. you came to me for advice... I used to wonder sometimes if you are just scared of making a decision by yourself... I used to wonder what you were scared of... I used to wonder how you're feeling... & I used to wonder why you felt that way... Sometimes I asked you.. & at other times I did not... when I was scared you were hitting a wall; I manoeuvred you around the wall without letting you know.. I made plans for you in case your plans did not work out!

But what a shame.. I thought I knew you so well... I am such a supreme fool... I made plans for you... & you suddenly put all my plans to rest... Now I wonder if you know how I feel... I wonder if you even care... Cuz you just walked away from me... Without a word... You did not bother to give me a one last kiss or a one last hug.. You didn't bother to even say the one last good bye... I hadn't seen you in almost a year... I wonder how much pain you were in.. cuz I bet I deserved better!

Aunty Shutup!

Beta aap shaadi kab karoge?

Aunty aap apna business mind kab karoge?

Dear Aunty,

I really wish to know, how will me getting married benefit you? Oh yes, your ego or let’s say status might hit the graph after all the gloating over your son’s/daughter’s/relatives success. From one thing leading to another, you’re obvious next question will be, when will I have a baby? Cuz oh my god you’re deeply concerned about my biological clock ticking. Followed by admissions of my kids, then their scores, their college, jobs and finally their “Wedding plans”. After your major breakthrough as a societal gossip monger, you will finally be old and die in peace.

So why not have it the other way round? Let me ask you, Errr Aunty Aap Kabh Maroge?

So next time you try and be a shooter, don’t pull off a face when I press the trigger. You’re about to get some grief. Wait, did I just give you a piece to spread the word?  Shush, don’t drop the ball in here!

Guess, who's the gansta in town? <smirks>

Yours Sincerely,

(From all the girls distressed with aunty nuisance)

Do Re Mi Fa!

And I am... Feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

And I... will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl!

Its just amazing how a song can capture all your feelings together and express it in the most beautiful way. 

Braces you up for the most crucial phase of life

Pushing you down to reality

That heavy feeling soon after morning wakes you up with a truckload on your head

The gentle caress when you try and go back to sleep 

Sorting the thoughts rattling in your head 

While messing further, notching up the chaos

Battling Loser vs Winner dilemma

Lost in melancholy despite the unawareness

Sweet consumed ignorant love 

So profound yet demeaning

Buzzing in the head till monotony washes the glue

                                            A charisma giving you the chills

                    Down the memory lane of weather & smell when you first heard it

                                                     What is music?

                             I still don't have a better word for it than BEAUTIFUL

                                                           Do you?

Deluded Seeker!

The delusions she’s been dwelling on,

Wrecking her pool of mental lawn

No escape can she find on her own,

At the world’s dejection being thrown.

Whilst simple life and love she craved,

Backstabbers and abrasive people she faced.

You only come up after being so low,

All that she reaped, she didn’t even sow.

Perhaps mediocrity was not the wallflower’s calling,

Her pitiful state, is no more appalling.

Her constant mulling has shooed people away,

Were once close buddies all lost in a day.

Dark music & tears are ruling on,

Paranoia at first, hysteria is newborn

And when she’s been injected to put into bed

We check her pulse rate, Hold on She’s Dead!

New Chapter!

With the new year approaching

And the resolutions piling on

I sit back and start thinking

Lost abyss in my dream lawn

How things have gone so right

And mostly went so wrong

Memories rush upon my sight

Sweet bitter and made me strong

Now things cant be undone

Welcomed the unsolicited pain

Goodbyes to all the cries and pun

That drove us all insane

Bye bye to heartbreak warfare

And thanku to difficult times

Hush to sadness & the stare

Its time to ring the chimes

Cheaters cheat & ditchers ditch

The lies hidden by a good actor

Wounds are healed and made a switch

Here begins my New Chapter!

Dream Run!

Sometimes out of nowhere your face lits up with glee,

When the angels above decide to come to thee.

Just when you’re about to lose heart & give up,

Walking  past the fear giving you life’s closeup.

Bottled up feelings when love comes along,

Soft tingles everywhere feeling nothing wrong.

Refrain to believe that this could happen again,

Yet again good riddance of fear & pain.

And there he comes to you handful of charm,

Sweeping you off your feet causing you no harm.

Blushingly you dance all day and night long,

Humming sweet rhythms of your favorite song.

And as one says all good things come to an end,

Reality check hits hard upon you my friend.

Sweet memories we’ve made in our hearts forever,

The short span was beautiful with no hatred ever.

Pinning up hopes of joy and truck loads of fun,

Wake up sweety he’s gone,it was just a Dream Run!

Until Next Time, Cheers!

J

Back To you!

Gossssshhhh!!

I almost forgot that a part of me who writes exists.... Can't blame but yes working does take a toll on your life....

Even if you're not busy you still do manage to take out half of your day cribbing how much work you've got on your plate... i am actually thinking what to fill into this new post...Strange cuz i didn't need to think before, it came out naturally though... Have i lost my mind?? Have i forgotten how to write?? Have i changed? AND THERE IT COMES, Have i lost MYSELF??? :((

While this nonstop debate between the right & left side of my top floor device called a brain is going on, I call out loud for help from you all... is it normal to feel like this?

For once lets chuck all of this, all the tensions happening in the whole wide world, all the work thats running through every vein of our thinking system, all the taunts that come in our way of growing up, all the gf/bf problems, all the domestic tiffs.. Clear all the roots to frustration and  just be happy.... Don't try and please anyone, Please Yourself.. Fall in love wid youself!

                                                                  Be You!

Its true that you can only come up after you've reached your ultimate low! But why waiting to realise the truth till you reach your lowest, why not now?? Come on, gear up! Pull up your socks and go do what pleases u.....

Go sing that song like crazy in public, laugh like a beast, dance in the rain, listen to your fav song, eat that calorie full cheeseburst pizza, have a bottle of wine, watch that movie, pick up your, phone call that long lost friend of yours, let go of you egos,act like a child even if the world makes fun of you.. Don't care.... Do whatever the hell you wanna do!


                                                    Be you!!!! Cuz happiness is U :))

P.S.-- Although it feels great to blog aftre more than a year but my apologies if it wasn't that great. I promise to come up with a better one next time and pretty soon :)) Writing gives me happiness so im gonna be me :P

Cheers & Kisses!