21 an age or just a no???

Soon I will be turning 21 and I am already on tenterhooks wondering whats lies ahead???

How good were those times when the thought of birthdays excited me… Planning for  parties a month in advance and dreaming about the gifts I would get while declaring to the whole world about my fast approaching birthday even when it was a month away…

But now if I declare to the world about my birthday, I would be putting an axe on my own feet. Y?? Obviouslyy, because people these days wish later but the first and foremost question that comes slapping hard across your face is “Dude where’s the party”??? AND OFCOURSE YOU END UP BEING BROKE!

What’s really bothering me now is not how I will be sheding out my pocket rather that’s the last thing running through my head at the moment. What really haunts me now is, my future, which is already giving me nightmares.

Entering the graduation year is no more a happy feeling as i had imagined while in the  first year…

Although I still have time to enjoy life but lets not forget that time travels at the speed of light and besides, enjoying is what I have been doing all my life..

After having an interrogation with the unbiased myself, I have come face to face with the  sour truth… The truth I wish I could deny but it howls out loud and clear, the fact that I am an ESCAPIST.

Whenever in school or college I was given some work I used to procrastinate, manage to get it done from somebody or simply run away from it.

Now lets play the blame game here. Yes u can say that partially my upbringing is responsible for the same.. Me being the youngest member of the lot was always pampered and was never forced upon anything. Any difficulty in my life was either my dads,mums or if not them, my sister’s responsility. Spoilt kid of the  highest order. 

                                                           

21, be it age or just a number is both scaring me to the core as it only reminds me of the little time that lies with me to enjoy life.

The negative and the positive self talk is brawling inside my head as Iam struggling hard to get  prepared to throw myself into the REAL WORLD.

The world which is full of mean and dominant people. They are the buthers in disguise who slaughter you slowly and cunningly as they  welcome you with their deceiving looks. This world my friends is the CORPORATE WORLD.  The world where everyone’s illusory expectations get shattered as none conform to them. Reality is viewed through the constricted prism of their egoes.

This is the world which I am soon going to enter, which is why, I abhor adding one year to my age and I just don’t wish to grow up anymore.

Am I ready to face the world? Will I be able to face all challenges put infront of me? Will I be able to handle the work pressure? Will I gel along with the people out there?

The questions are never ending, They seem to increase over time. Time, which is not in yours, mine or anyone’s hands. I yearn to go back to those carefree days where life was all about any and everything except taking a responsibility.

As I go into the flashback of the good times spent, the clock strikes 12 breaking my attention, bringing me back to reality. Oops, I just turned an year older.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

J