Monday, 10 October 2016

I Will... Will You?

I had to talk to you yesterday... tell you how I feel... tell you what I think.
But I did not have you. I cried my self to sleep again. Wondering if you see my pain. I was real mad at you once again. But yesterday was a different day.

Today, I slept at 3, woke up at 11. Got a good 8 hours rest, after quite some time. I thought back to the times we used to talk. the happy talk. the angry barking. the giggly gossip. sometimes we didn't speak for days and then there it was, the gush of words and exchange of what we missed out in the last few days.

but we don't talk anymore. we can't talk anymore like we used to. i secretly hope that my thoughts are telepathied to you somehow or that if i say the words out loud, the universe somehow brings them to you or maybe, just maybe if i write where you vented your thoughts, our thoughts would somehow intermingle and you would know that I want to communicate with you & that maybe if you see how badly I want to talk, somehow you will find a way to get to me too. Will you?

I have so many thoughts in my head.. so many questions still lingering.

Were you in pain when you left? If you were; you've passed it on to me and I know how unbearable it was for you. I forgive you, but tell me once that you were in pain. that anything was better than this. Did you want to end it or did you just not want to do it anymore? Why did you go away so abruptly without giving me a chance to change your mind? Why did you leave me here by myself? You were always the good samaritan and I the rebel, why did you take away my thunder - steal my rebellion?

I think about you everyday. No matter what I do. I wonder if you think that I still am selfish? Did I come to your mind even once before you left. Did you cry? Were you suffocated? I hope you were in no physical pain. Do you know that you left a hole in my heart, a hole that's growing every single day. I don't want to cause you any more pain. I hope that you're gone to a better place and are happy now. But I do want you to know, I will wait for you to come back to me. I hope you come back to me someday!

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